Thursday, January 23, 2014

Protecting snot and other bodily fluids

Okay at first glance I am sure this title is both grotesque and repulsive. On the surface, it likely seems completely unrelated to anything having to do with food consumption. It might even make those with weak stomachs nauseous or vomit (sorry if it did), but in a few moments it will make sense and maybe seem less gross.  Or maybe more gross; I guess I am not sure.  Let me know what you think by leaving a comment on here!

First, a little background information about yours truly. I do run a lot. I can own that.  And I pretty much run in all weather; it would take a serious typhoon to stop me. Or an earthquake, that might stop me too, but you get the idea.  So I run in horrible conditions, frequently enough, to have my husband label me (wrongly I might add) as crazy. Anyhow, I realize running is not for everyone.  Although honestly I don't get it when people say, "I just hate to run".  But that is another topic for another day.  The point to this is the best way I have found to stay committed to running (which is a healthy lifestyle choice not a symptom of insanity I might add) is to make plans and then follow them.  Simple. So yesterday I did.  I decided to run first thing this morning before the day got away from me. 

Of course you know what they say about the best laid plans.  When I awoke this morning our thermometer said it was 4 degrees out there, I really wanted to flush my plan down the toilet and sit by our fire and drink coffee... and eat something sinfully good.... and not run outside.  Yes 4 degrees is not exactly the most welcoming temperature I can think of, but I was committed so Hazel and I headed to the workout center as soon as we finished breakfast.

It probably goes without saying, but I will say it anyways when snot freezes inside your nose it sucks.  It is painful and annoying because it prohibits proper breathing which when you are running is kind of a downer.  It makes farmer's blows of the nose impossible (if you don't know what a farmer's blow is google it there is no sexual innuendo here it has to do with proper breathing).  The lack of farmer's blows  again leads to respiratory distress.  You really need air to keep running so frozen snot is bad.  Very, very bad.  Anyhow, as I took off on my planned run this morning, I had a serious frozen snot situation going on.  I was uncomfortable and contemplating returning to sit with the coffee by the fire when I remembered something.  A neck warmer thingamajiggy (did you know there is actually a right and wrong way to spell thingamajiggy? I had no idea) right inside my jacket wrapped around my neck.  I put the neck warmer thingamajiggy on and pulled it up allowing it to cover my nose and mouth. I have seen people running with similar attire in recent months and always thought to myself how much difference can it make.  It makes a big F*ing difference okay.  The result was instant relief!  It was amazing. Nothing hurt anymore. I enjoyed the rest of my four mile run while contemplating why I haven't been using this contraption all winter long.  The only answer I came up with for this dilemma is because I must be a moron.

This train of thought about frozen snot naturally led me to think about other bodily fluids that must be protected while running and I realized there are a couple others for sure.  Tears, saliva and urine.  I know gross! 

Anyhow the tears and or saliva can become painful too when it is so cold (even if you are not crying because you are running and hate it) sometimes tears happen naturally because of the cold air.  Or say a nasty car driving by with a chain-smoking whore behind the wheel happens to blow her evil exhaust in your face.  That might make you cry too!  So I do often times wipe tears away to prevent them from freezing on my face which I imagine would be equally uncomfortable as frozen snot. 

During the Ground Hogs Day Half Marathon last year I had serious problems with protecting my bodily fluids properly.  I had a serious snow and ice stache (snow and ice that had frozen to the little hairs surrounding my mouth thereby making me look like a cross between Albert Einstein and an old German lady with a moustache) It was really sexy! Check it out!

On this little adventure (nearly a year ago)the bodily fluids definitely got the best of me. I am committed to never allowing this to happen again because I hate being likened to Albert Einstein or an old hairy lady.

My final thoughts on the matter of protection of bodily fluid involved urine. You must keep your bladder safe people.  This is serious stuff, so quit laughing!  As luck would have it, I got to fight this battle this morning as I battled the fierce frozen-snot monster because I forgot to go potty before I left the aquatic center  Fatal error.  Now that I have had three children, I can no longer pull such stunts.  I used to urinate like 3 or 4 times a day, TOPS. Yes, before I had kids I was a different woman mainly because my bladder was much stronger back then. Now I finish peeing and think to myself five minutes later, "do I need to go pee again?" It is really quite ridiculous.  Anyhow, as I ran this morning, it was so much more than a run.  It was all out warfare! I battled snot, tears, sweat and urine and I still managed to finish just under four miles so I declare,  "I WIN" today even if I did lose to the snowstache maker last year about this time.  And I am thankful for my neck warmer thingamajiggy that was previously unappreciated. I am sorry about that and will never take you for granted again.

As far as dinner goes, in case you still care about our mission to cleanse our freezer and pantry.  Last night I had but one victory, but it was a big one!  I got rid of (and yes we actually ate it and didn't get sick (yet)) a half eaten box of rice mix that was in my cupboard.  Why would one have a half-used box of cheap rice mix on their shelves.  My answer the other half was part of a recipe I made last summer. I substituted the correct amount of the rice mix for regular old rice in a recipe when I was out of regular rice. Oh and I hate to throw stuff away and be wasteful.  Simple explanations people!!! I am not crazy!  That was our side dish.  I would not feed my family a half of a leftover box of rice mix for their meal.  That would be crazy.   For the main meal, my sister-in-law got overzealous in her cooking of dinner last night and surprised us with a  casserole!  I am pretty sure my family was extremely grateful for the reprieve from my recent dinner experimentations.

Vern out

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