Thursday, December 3, 2015

Strange but true occurences

Strange things seem to be the norm for me.  Yes, strange things happen. All. The. Time.  I am often left saying, both in my head and sometimes right out loud, "what the heck is going on?!" or... "How is this even possible?!" or... "WTF?!"  You get the idea.  I am often baffled and confused at the extremely strange happenings in my world!

Here are a few cases that illustrate this concept:

Frisbee Overload
This very morning, I was carrying an overflowing FRISBEE full of leftover food scraps-in various stages of decomposition- to our little flock of chickens in their cute little red chicken hut all while in a dress and mud boots. Oh and best of all, this happened as the bus pulled up to fetch our kids for a day of school.  Our bus driver must really think I am crazy!

Stalked by Chickens
Another day earlier this summer our dwindling flock of chickens STALKED me down the road while I was dressed in my nicest business suit prepared for an important work meeting! You see, I decided to walk to the corner to hop in with my boss for the occasion. I figured exercise is never a bad thing. NEVER. And it would save us a couple of minutes and my boss a mile's worth of gasoline.  So all dressed up in full corporate attire, I hit the road and our chickens all followed right along behind me.   If only I had video of this occasion, I probably would've won AFV and I would be packing my bags for Disney right now!  At least the bus driver did not drive by that morning!  I suspect I felt a bit like this poor kid!  Hunted by chickens!Yikes

Tay Tay has been abducted!
This one isn't so much strange as it is MADDENING.  My Taylor Swift CD is missing. It's gone. And I am pissed. It is the one that I had been using as motivation for keeping the house cleaned.  I won't stand for such obvious acts of defiance and housecleaning destruction.  This is clearly a case of sabotage regarding my new cleaning system. I no sooner publicly declare the new Taylor Swift housecleaning technique somewhat successful and now someone is trying to keep me from cleaning our house.  It's preposterous, enraging, and down-right-mean and worst of all right before the holidays.  Heartless thief.  I won't stop until I get to the bottom of this.  Fire up the Mystery van, Scooby, we have a big mystery to solve!

Cooking ordeal:
Oh and equally maddening as my missing Taylor music, I burned the quinoa.... Again... 

The pan may not fully recover from this incident which really makes me sad because this is my favorite sauce pan, Shirley.  Shirley has been with us since we got hitched so she has sentimental value and is a pretty green color that I so love.  Oh and most importantly she cooks quinoa like none other, unless I go to hang a load of laundry on the line and my children fail to notify me that the timer is beeping and I burn the quinoa beyond recognition.  Then Shirley doesn't work out so great for me, or for her I suppose.  After all having quinoa scorched and stuck to your sides probably doesn't feel very good.  She is in the burn unit, if you'd like to send her a Get Well card I will pass it along next time I go for a visit.  Usually Shirley makes light, fluffy delicious, darn-near-perfect quinoa, I guess it goes to show that you should not leave your children in charge of cooking quinoa!?*;

I guess I can best sum this story up by saying, "Weirdness follows me like our flock of chickens!"

Vern Out