Sunday, November 2, 2014

Trick or Treat

On the roadway of life there will be highs and there will be lows, the road will be rough and at times seem impassible, but the important thing is to always have your helmet ready and to always, always, always wear your seat belt! ~Vern

So apparently I am part Hobbit.  I was shocked too, but it I must be true.  I must have Hobbit in my genetic code.  It is the only reasonable explanation as to why I must eat every two to three hours.  Yes I eat at least seven times a day.  I mean I suppose I could be hypoglycemic since sugar issues run in my family, but I find the Hobbit theory much more likely and anyways it makes a much better story!  This recent discovery was made at a splendid Hobbit themed Halloween party I attended.  Now to set the stage, I am a Hobbit idiot. Seriously, I wasn't even sure about the correct spelling of Hobbit until I wrote this story!  I must confess I have never read any of the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings books, nor have I watched a single Hobbit movie.  I am just not into the fantasy genre much. Until recently, I was completely unaware of Hobbits and their intriguing eating habits.   Prominently displayed on the fridge at the party was the following sign.

Hobbit Meal Plan:

1st Breakfast
2nd Breakfast
Afternoon Tea

...and in the few moments it took me to read this, my entire life suddenly made more sense.  It was a true moment of clarity.  I was a Hobbit, or at the very least a distant relative of the hobbits...and eating seven times a day was therefore normal!  This explains a lot.  Seriously, so much!  You could just go ahead and label this "Veronica's Meal Plan" and not make a single edit and it would be absolutely perfect. My husband is constantly picking on me for eating so frequently. It was a liberating discovering that I am not a "freak" as my husband often refers to me. When I announce that I am starving just moments after a five course meal, he almost always calls me a freak or some equivalent name. Good news, I am Not a freak, honey, just a Hobbit!

I had a most delightful time at the party too.  Great conversation. Great Food (regularly too I was there for both dinner and supper and both were absolutely fantastic!).  And Hobbits love BACON and you all know how I feel about bacon!  Let's just say I could easily be a vegetarian if not for the existence of bacon!   And there was even a birthday cake for Bilbo's 111!  We sang happy birthday!

The evening was truly enchanting so very enchanting that it almost inspired me to read the books. Almost.  Maybe I will read The Hobbit after I finish the memoir "Brain On Fire" by Susannah Calahan which is a true account of a reporter who suffered a rare brain condition.  But I am starting to stray so to get us back on track tighten your seat belt, I will need to take this corner fast...

Now, you never know when you are going to start your night as an order of McDonald's french fries and end it dressed like Wendy herself, but that was just what I did that night!

Would you like some fries with that frosty!?

No thanks; I am watching my girlish figure!

 When I arrived to my friend's dressed as McDonald's french fries, she mentioned that she had some other fun costumes if I was interested (apparently my french fry costume was not cool enough!) So before we headed to the party, I tried the Wendy costume on and immediately fell in love with that ridiculous red hair.  My entire life I have been skeptical of love at first sight.  I am now a believer!  I mean seriously how often do you get the opportunity to look this ridiculous and I have always wanted to try being a red head?!  I just couldn't miss out on that opportunity so off we went the most awkward pair: a stunning peasant girl and Wendy!  After the party, we thought about heading to Wendy's for a frosty because honestly we thought it would be hysterical, but we decided against it. Given my driving record and the amount of wine I had consumed, we figured we had better head straight home!  

Happy Belated Halloween All!

Vern Out

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