I Surrender

No Chester has not killed us and there is not an ongoing appliance revolt! I am in fact still alive and for the most part doing well!  Now naming of the appliances and emptying of Chester aside, I am struggling in this game called life. And that my friends is why I have not enlightened anyone with my comical and/or ridiculous life stories recently.  To be completely honest, I am just really struggling with a situation.  I tend to be spiritual, but not necessarily religious and sometimes that means life is just HARD.  Maybe life is just hard anyways.  I think, it probably is.

If only life were as simple as the board game!

At Bible Club (Remember Bible Club is what we affectionately named our Bible Study group) last fall our focus was to become "One in a Million" (meaning one in a million is how many people God communicates directly to and we were to aspire to be  the "one").  To someone like me, that message was very daunting because I honestly am not that close to God.  I talk to him a lot while running (in my head) and I pray about things that really bother me while I fall asleep at night (also in my head).  Sometimes I do ask for his help when I am challenged by my kids and that is usually in my head too unless I cry out, "God, I could really use some help here because in case you haven't noticed things are not going well here." and that is usually after the shit has already hit the fan so to speak.  So I have limited God experience. Very limited.

So I have been struggling with a recent experience and I guess am finally ready to go public with it! You see, after Bible Club one night I had a real heart-to-heart with God (in my head still, but it was a longer conversation and I asked him to touch me in a way that would only be explainable by HIS presence so that I would feel like "one in a million"!)  Long story short, he did and I end up sponsoring Deny an orphan from Haiti, who like me suffers from hydrocephalus, and I know that this was GOD working in my life.  There are just TOO MANY coincidences in the long version of this story for it to be otherwise explained.  And so now here I am all RESTLESS again and confused.

And annoyed that's what I am.  I am annoyed with the American lifestyle (rich, selfish and materialistic) and the daily activities (soccer, swimming, watching television heaven forbid) because these things seem so trivial and unimportant.  I am frustrated with my kids because despite my attempts to teach them otherwise, they still believe that real problems involve Kindles, Pokemon cards and other material stuff.  Don't they understand that people are starving, and homeless, and suffering?  I try to explain it to them, but it is out of their realm of understanding because they live the GOOD life (a life of EXCESS) where they have more than they need and they never go to bed hungry unless they didn't finish their dinner.  Our kids are blessed and they don't even realize how good they have it.  I know they are young to understand these complexities, but still it leaves my heart heavy.

Eureka!  I might be making progress though! Tonight at dinner we were playing a fun "would you rather game" at our favorite place to eat out in Spring Lake Pruebelo (By the way this place is fabulous; You get great food and amazing prices. On Tuesdays kids eat free!  And they have $1 rootbeer floats everyday!)  So while playing this super fun game, one of the questions basically asked if you'd rather help someone else and get a little for yourself, or get a big jackpot all to yourself. And you know what!? All 3 of our kids chose to help someone out and take just a little for themselves.  This warmed my heart greatly!

Anyhow,  the other night I wasn't so lucky.  The other night the flood gates opened and I blew up like a volcano and right at the dinner table too.  I didn't say everything I wanted to say (which would be a complete repetition of this post) but I did point out that just once I would like to have them thank me for the meal I prepared instead of immediately complaining about it or refusing to eat it.  I noted that fighting with each other as they join the dinner table (which was the current issue at hand) was disrespectful and unacceptable; To fit the mood, I went ahead and addressed the issue in truly dramatic fashion.  And then I started crying, said I was too upset to eat and walked away from the dinner table.  SILENCE FOLLOWED.  And while I can't prove it, I am pretty sure quiet conversations were had about my eyebrows.

And I went into our bedroom and started running a bath so that I could run away and hide in my bath tub like I often do when confronted with bad situations and completely exhausted (both of which applied to my situation).  In an act of sheer desperation, I said out aloud, "God what should I do?" and He quickly answered, "you have to go back to dinner" not out loud, but still he answered me.  And that was not the answer I was looking for people.  I wanted to hide in the comfort of my jetted bathtub (yes I am spoiled too) and pout and throw my own little fit. I felt I deserved it.  However, after my God moment, I put on my big girl pants and my "happy" eyebrows and headed back out to the battlefield that was my dinner table.  I really do believe the quote up above "families who eat together stay together"  and I guess this story boils down to my basic and fundamental desire to have an enjoyable meal time with my family once daily. 

So coming full circle, I feel I really need to go to Haiti-God is calling me there to spread His word. "Veronica buy a ticket so you are fully committed to this crazy thing. Go to Haiti and hug Deny in person." I hear words like these in God's voice almost daily.  Crazy as it sounds, I could actually go to Haiti to volunteer at the orphanage where Deny lives. They have a real bonafide volunteer program and would welcome my service!

Now admittedly there are some complex family issues involved in this-I am super simplifying this story.  Out of respect for my family, oh and so this story doesn't become a full length novel, I will avoid the details and leave it as a somewhat crazy volunteer dream that I can't seem to forget. And I do realize it is kinda crazy, but as my friends who are adopting from Haiti have said, "thanks for supporting our crazy GOD dream".  So here it is-- my very own crazy GOD DREAM. This post is my full-length answer to the brief question, "why aren't you writing lately? It's because I am wrestling with this one A LOT and it has distracted me from writing.   It is because I can seem to get the picture of Deny in his Christmas outfit out of my head.

I will just ask for your prayers as I wrestle on with my God Dream and leave you with this final quote,

PS: At work we do weekly Grace Cards. They are a fun deck of cards and each card offers helpful life quotes or lessons on them.  The intent is to help guide you through the game of Life.  My card twice during this same time period that I have been wrestling with this crazy Haiti Dream has said, "Surrender is the key that unlocks the door to grace".  I surrender!

PPS I know I sounded like I was atop a soap box for part of this; I don't have everything figured out anymore than the next guy or gal, but I was just sharing a glimpse of the feelings and beliefs I have surrounding this.

Vern Out

O Christmas Tree; It's My Surgiversary!

Before I start with the real story about our fabulous After-Christmas Tree, I wanted to share a quick, comical, navigation-related story.  So the other day my husband and I were on our way to visit his grandma at the hospital (she is going to be fine by the way Praise the Lord!) and he actually asked me for directions.  For those of you who are unaware, I have a horrible sense of direction.  If I were ever dropped off in an unfamiliar place (or even some of the familiar ones) I would never get home.  NEVER! I have been lost in my own backyard and it once took me over an hour to drive home to Nunica from Holland.  This Holland episode wasn't pretty and it added a lot of stress to our marriage that day.  The very next Christmas (without it being on my actual Christmas list) I received a TomTom GPS system from my husband.  This is only moderately helpful as some newer addresses are not recognized by it. And what about construction or accidents?  It doesn't help with those. Plus, I totally still seem to manage to find unique ways to get lost! I just do.  SIGH

Anyhow when were going to visit his grandma he innocently asked me, "What's the best way to get to Hackley Hospital?"  I  paused and thought about it good and hard and responded with my best guess and then added "maybe...did you seriously just ask me directions?! Because we both know I am probably less useful than Helen Keller or a couple of blind mice when directions are involved!"  We laughed the rest of the way to the hospital. And cracked jokes at my expense and had a jolly good time of it too!  It really lightened the mood.  Good thing I have such a good sense of humor and thick skin!  Double SIGH.  The most ironic part of this story is he had to drive to that very hospital every day for three weeks when I was in the ICU for my hydrocephalus surgery.  

You may be asking yourself, "Now what exactly is an After-Christmas Tree?"  Even if you've read the children's book by Linda Wagner Tyler and are well versed in "After-Christmas Trees", you are going to be subjected to a brief lesson on them, unless you skip the rest of this paragraph.  So skip along if you must....  Oh good you are still here!  So "After Christmas Trees" are basically your old, recycled, Christmas Trees, decorated with all biodegradable, edible, decorations with the native wildlife's needs in mind and you put them on display outside for Mother Nature.  Ours is spectacular!  This project was the perfect ending to a perfect Holiday Season!  

This year I was determined to make the season truly about the reason.  Less gifts.  More God.  Less commercialism and shopping.  More doing for others and gratitude.   Less harried schedule.  More quality time with family (and friends). You get the idea, less of the bad stuff and more of the good! I feel really good about how it all went too.  I guess nothing is truly perfect, however, it was pretty darn close! We were mostly successful, donated a lot of money (and items and time) to several important causes and organizations!  

The best part of all our generosity, we are sponsoring a little boy in Haiti, named Deny.  We did this through God's Little Angels.  Deny is very near and dear to my heart because he has hydrocephalus, the same condition I developed exactly 8 years ago.  Happy Surgiversary to me!  As a baby, Deny was abandoned by his family at a hospital because they could not provide him the medical care he needed.  He lived in the hospital for 5 years and was then transferred to an orphanage.  He has lived there since.  Now for the 2015 year he will have a sponsor family (The Constantines) who will be praying for him and helping with his needs. I am planning to go volunteer at the orphanage this year too so I can wrap my hands around him! As my Grandpa Bossi often said,  "God willing and if the creek don't rise!"  

We also supported OneBodyVillage.  A nonprofit dedicated to freeing young children in Vietnam from sex- traffic-situations and other bad stuff.  I dedicated this donation to my dear friend and intern, Thu Bahn, who starts a new job in the morning!  Best of Luck to you in your new endeavor, my friend!

We also donated to a great organization committed to providing aid to families in Ethiopia.  Embrace Ethiopia is a dynamic nonprofit and the program I supported helps provide medical care to families in a village.  

The week before Christmas, the kids and I went with some of our friends caroling in our neighborhood and  collecting donations for the local pantry in Spring Lake.  Dressed as elves, we sang our hearts out and gathered four large bags of personal hygiene items and canned goods! The kids had a great time and learned about doing for others!

And Christmas night after all of the good quality time with extended family, we took our less extended family and loaded 'em into my in-law's van and headed south to a fabulous Family Florida Vacation~and no we didn't do Disney.  And yes that was on purpose.  Disney sounds about as fun to me as a root canal without drugs or childbirth with them!  NOT FUN AT ALL! Maybe someday I will warm up to it, but not any day soon.  Instead we opted for a relaxing pool, beach and wildlife tri-fecta of a  vacation. Mother nature did not disappoint!  We watched dolphins from both the lovely beach and the boat ride that we took.  We also visited Winter and Hope at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium.  And we collected more shells than were probably legal and relaxed poolside whenever we were not at the beach.  And I got to run! Every. Single. Morning.  

Speaking of running, on New Year's Day my sister and I managed to find a race in Temple Terrace Florida all by ourselves (like we actually navigated there mostly unassisted and didn't get lost! Not even once) and we don't even have smart phones to help us out.  We have Dumb Phones! We ran a run called Blast from the Past.  I think they were trying to tie it to Back to the future, but they failed. We went in 70's costume anyways even though not many other participants joined us!  We both earned second in our age groups and we both randomly won pairs of sunglasses.  Talk about being fast and lucky! The cool kind too, not cheap dollar store ones, so it was pretty amazing.

Groovy Runners!  

70's and 80's themed run New Year's Day!

I hope all of your holiday seasons were just as joyous and ours.  Happy New Year and God Bless!

PS: My directions got us to Hackley Hospital although Jeff argued it was not the most direct route!

VC

Not to beat a dead horse...

So not to beat a dead horse or anything, but I just have to revisit onion rings.  Based on my Phd in Greasology, I went ahead and declared onion rings a health food the other day!  Given my extensive onion ring background, I figured it was legit.  My intern and boss were both skeptical though so I started searching for supportive evidence and turned up this Onions RULE article.  As we munched on Turks onion rings, I gently reminded my coworkers that onions are plants and as such they are basically guaranteed a spot on the health food wall of fame!  Duh!  Now there is some concern that once you beer-batter and deep fry them, any nutritional benefit is negated, but I am going to go ahead and dismiss these concerns as unlikely and annoying and move along...

It's called Mulligan and kids it's what's for dinner again. 

I know it looks kind of gross, but trust me it is not!  This is an excellent venison recipe that is a staple in our home.  The best part about this one is you can mess with it quite liberally and it still turns out.  Given my track recipe following directions, this is a very good thing.  Tonight was my biggest "messing with it" to date and it was still YUMMY. But to be honest, I will probably be messing with this recipe until the day I die because everyone loves it! Tonight I added mushrooms and used an old can of Manwich (expired 2013 from the pantry) and instead of ground venison I used venison steak cubed because it was from 2011 and it needed to go! Chester actually evicted the venison steak because it quit paying the rent! Geesh he can be so heartless at times.  I mean it is right before the holidays!

The results of my messing:  It was more like a stew and not as thick as it generally is, but my husband actually said and I quote, "this is the best Mulligan you've ever made!"  Check out the recipe I make it in a dutch oven and that works like a charm!  You layer each item in the dutch oven and then bake it for 1-1.5 hours at 350 until the potatoes are done!  If your husband is a hunter gatherer type like mine, you will love this recipe ladies!

Mulligan 
1/2 onion diced small
1/3 cup rice uncooked
2 large potatoes sliced thin
1 pound ground venison or chunked venison steak
1 large can baked beans
fresh mushrooms optional (possibly makes it more watery like a stew)
1 can of tomato soup (plus half cup water, v8 juice, salsa or Manwich) on top
poke holes through the layers so the moisture gets down to the rice to cook it.

So we were decking the halls a few weeks ago and my oldest two kids warmed my heart with this one!

Holiday love

 I frickin' love science in our kitchen! 

My third grader came home the other day from school and as I prepared ants on a log for snack time, she set up this experiment for her brother and sister to enjoy!  So cool and it worked too; 

we ended up with a half red and half blue piece of celery.  SCIENCE is AWESOME!

In attempt to improve my relationship with Maxine the Mixer, I gave her the night off while making peanut butter cookies last night.  I am trying to form an appliance alliance with some of my key appliances so that I can finally take Irma down and get her to cooperate during ironing time.  I will let you know how it works out for me!   So yep I mixed the cookies up old school with nothing more than a spoon and a wish.  And guess what?  The cookies were AWESOME despite my messing with the recipe. I really need to learn to follow recipes, but it just seems so BORING!

The cookies were a special treat for my friend who just had a baby. Yeah, I probably should've made an exception and followed a recipe since they were a gift, but I actually think I am incapable of following recipes.  Seriously, I read recipes and immediately think about ways to make them better.  Make them MINE.  I just can't help it.  Except when I make Eggs Benedict and then I follow the recipe very precisely and with the utmost perfection and they still never turn out exactly right!  Wait...maybe that is why they never turn out!   

Anyhow,  Happy Holidays I am crazy busy the next few weeks so you may not hear from me for awhile, but I have an exciting announcement upon my return!

Vern Out

A cleaning disorder, that's what I've got!

I have a habit of doing much more than is probably advisable.  I scurry about full of seemingly endless energy doing stuff.  All. Day. Long.  It is just how I roll.  Yes, Without a doubt, I DO TOO MUCH!  I have a real knack for overbooking myself.  It is both a blessing and a curse.  If I didn't do so much, the reality is a lot of stuff wouldn't get done; but doing so much means I am often rushed and stressed because I am in a hurry and you know,  doing so much.  It seems I need to find a better balance...

ANYWHOOO...

As I was standing in the grocery store line yesterday, five minutes before a scheduled running date (and just an hour before a bunch of people were coming over for dinner), worried that I might be late for either one of these self-imposed obligations, I pondered this very basic, yet often overlooked, reality of mine.  I decided right then and there to think about my epiphany some more; Later when I wasn't so darn busy.  (Even then in all the busyness of the moment though, I had the burning desire to somehow turn my thoughts into a story for my blog)

And then I forgot about the entire experience because I was busy doing stuff. Laundry. Dishes. Dinner. Homework. Bath Time.  Hair Brushing. You name it, I was doing it!  Yep I completely forgot about my epiphany until I sat down to write on here last night.  Then I really had to rack my brain trying to remember what the heck I had wanted to write about and then when I finally remembered, the dryer dinged reminding me there were clothes to fold, AGAIN.  So I folded clothes. And then I sat back down to write. And then Hazel woke up scared from a bad dream so I snuggled with her and dozed off for a few minutes.  And then I sat back down to write, AGAIN. And for a few minutes, I could not recall what I was going to write about and...

This is my life CYCLE.  This is my REALITY.  This is VERN.  This pretty well sums up my diagnosis:

In short, I am a horrible housekeeper, just ask anyone who has visited me in the past decade and they can vouch for me!

Irma. I forgot to tell you about Irma!  Today in all my doing stuff, I also ironed all Jeff's work shirts.  Yes I had another go 'round with Irma, the iron, and let me just say this, "I Still HATE ironing".  Despite my attempts to make it more enjoyable (and less like torture) I still had an awful time of it!  I even had Christmas Vacation on in the background to booster my mood and even that could not enhance my ironing experience enough to matter.   Oh and I have been nothing but nice to Irma.  I give her free drinks. I talk to her. I listen to her.  I ask her pertinent questions.   And I tell her personal stuff too.  Real personal stuff.  Irma could so easily blackmail me and make a killing at it!  Oh and the best part, from her perspective, is I barely ever use her!  She is pretty much a freeloader who gets free drinks and knows all my deepest secrets, but she still is unappreciative.  Irma doesn't have a demanding workload like Chester or Brenda either; I would totally understand if one of them had revolted.   Yet Irma continues to defy me.  She fails to cooperate and refuses to make Jeff's shirts wrinkle-free.  She gave me such difficulty in wrinkle removing yesterday, I had to have a drink (or three) just to get through the thankless chore of ironing. And I was really busy.  I don't have time for all her antics.

so after DOING all my stuff today including ironing, I stumbled upon this one on Momastery and thought to myself, AMEN...

And I went ahead and stopped doing stuff, took my pants off and went to bed.

VERN OUT

Shirtless guys ROCK

Disclaimer:  I by no means, or any stretch of the imagination, pretend to be a parenting or marriage expert.  But I am a mom and a wife so by default I know a thing or two about these matters.  Someday I will share my infinite wisdom ...until then read on!

Anyhow, my very best parenting moments always to seem happen when I have an onlooking audience. I do best as a parent with an invested crowd, preferably in a public area that is kid-friendly.  When it is just me and the kids at home WATCH OUT because that is when the wrath of Mommy is often unleashed!  And unfortunately for whatever reason, my husband doesn't get to count as a spectator.  Why is this?  It seems like the kids can be wonderful right up until the moment he walks in the door; And then I run out of patience, the shit hits the fan, and things get ugly right just as he returns home from a hard day's work.  It is beyond frustrating.   (sigh)

More importantly though, why doesn't my husband notice when I am struggling as a parent and help? Or better yet, why doesn't he ride in on some dreamy white horse (or a brown one would do if he looked like this guy) with his chest well-oiled, wearing something seductive (or nothing at all) to sweep me off my feet and save the day?  He could so easily be like a knight in shining armor in these mommy struggle moments

and I would be so appreciative.... (Sigh again).

Oh what's that on your face?! I think it's drool!! Wipe it off and get back to my story would ya!

But I am not here to solve the parenting woes of the world today or to complain about my husband. I just need to vent momentarily and then move along to the rest of my story...Here we go!

So I sent Jeff school snack shopping last week at the Dollar Store. Unlike last time when I sent him shopping at Sam's Club, this time he didn't come home with every type of junk food known to mankind.  He did real good.  It was like a breath of fresh air, or a pair of matching socks coming out of the laundry, or a cup of coffee first thing in the morning.  REFRESHING.  I was tickled pink to get snacks for the kids and toothpaste without having to go to the store or adding any additional inventory to Chester!

Now speaking of junk food, I am simply blown away at the vast volume of junk food options available nowadays.  Seriously!? If researchers spent half the time they spend creating new junk food focusing on creating healthy options for people, the obesity problem would probably be solved.  There are so many kinds of candy and chips and crap out there in the great white grocery store abyss that I get overwhelmed and oftentimes find myself in the fetal position on the floor at Meijer; In fact, this was happening so frequently that I gave up shopping at Meijer all together.   I just can't handle it!  So tonight I fought back and bought the fixings for a nutritious salad!  I have eaten Kale salad every day since Thanksgiving!

 Kale, Apple and Cranberry Salad!  It's what's for dinner tonight!  Along with Venison Meatloaf, Roasted Potatoes, Corn and Biscuits.

So what do you get when you cross a super cool mom with the most forgetful, squirrel-chasing, idiotic person on the face of God's green earth? Why, ME of course! da dum!

PS My boss created a new spin on the traditional soup and salad combination! She went ahead and threw the rest of my latest batch of quinoa salad into her pot of squash soup!  Apparently it was delightful so the next soup day I have, I am following her lead and adding the salad directly to my soup!

PPS Rifle deer season is over and Jeff has gotten no deer.  This is both good and bad.  Good because now I might actually empty Chester and that goal was my driving force to creating this blog in the first place.  Bad because we might actually have to buy meat at some point during 2015.

PPPS  My brother-in-law got two deer so I am pretty sure they may have some venison for sale at some point in the future.

PPPPS  Of course then the Chester emptying is less likely to happen if I start buying more meat...

PPPPPS  Maybe we will just have to become vegetarians!

Vern Out

Lovely Rita

I just love SURPRISES!! SURPRISES!! SURPRISES!!

 Guess who arrived yesterday!?!  

LOVELY RITA!

Introducing our new vacuum, Rita Hoover Constantine.

Yes she is a ginger.  And yes she is a bit of a flake and a little too girly for my taste, but I love her ability to remove dog hair from our furniture!  Her hair removal talents have already had a positive impact on my husband's mood and our marriage. And that my friends is priceless!  So after just two days Rita already holds a special place in my heart.

You may be wondering what happened to Victor!?  You probably think I just threw him out in the trash or something. You probably think I am cold-hearted like that. Or if you know me at all, then you know I am a sensitive chick and I cry a lot and I would never throw a functioning vacuum out in the trash (even if it is special needs and doesn't work very well).  I would take it to Goodwill or Love Inc!  Well you'll be happy to know that Victor will continue to live in our home and be properly cared for and loved, but he will no longer carry the burden of trying to clean our nasty floors on a daily basis.  Yes, Victor is in semi-retirement.  He is taking golf lessons and brushing up his tennis game.  He'd like to travel and play cards as well.

On a somewhat related note, I now understand why my sister is addicted to Amazon.  I mean it is just so convenient and even technologically challenged people like myself can easily maneuver on Amazon. And the prices are so darn competitive.  So yes, Rita was a mail order vacuum (kinda like a mail order bride, but without the expectation of sex and the promise of a green card), but please don't judge her or me.  She had to get out of that vacuum factory. It was a real sweat shop and she was being treated very poorly; Even a life of servitude here in our hairy home will be a major improvement for her. And we all know I need all the help I can get managing my housewife duties. Rita arrived three days after we ordered her too! That is FAST!  And I wasn't kidding about my sister, she truly is a complete and total Amazon addict.  It was my listening to her describe her many Amazon shopping experiences that inspired me to try it out!  My sister is even a member of the amazon TP club!  She actually receives an automatic case of toilet paper on a regular basis (based on her family's specific demographics) without so much as a click of a button.  It sounds amazing so I may check it out!

Now speaking of buttons, Staples tag line, "that was easy" with the magic red button is a complete farse. It really is and it ticks me off!  For months now I have battled back and forth with Staples.  Their processes are not EASY in my opinion.  Today I finally had it with Staples and so I finally drove my butt to the local print company Verduin Printing in Grand Haven and well what I learned is that I should have taken that drive a long time ago because the employees at Verduin are nicer, the printing costs less and they have a real knack for problem-solving.  Staples made the process of trying to print double sided business cards in less than 72-hours seem impossible and their employees were not friendly nor helpful.  Verduin, on the other hand, was the best customer service experiences I have had in a very long time.  It truly was refreshing!

Switching topics suddenly and without warning, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays primarily because I LOVE to eat and secondarily because I LOVE to be social.  It is a holiday created just for people like me!  I will share a Cliff's Notes version of my Turkey Day experience to explain why this random salad picture is placed here.  So I drank some beer Wednesday night which led me to make a last minute change to my original plans. This change ultimately led to my winning the small race (as the winner I will be required to dress as Sacagawea next year when I run the race FUN).  Then I ate a TON of food.  Yes I ate my way through Thanksgiving focusing most of my caloric intake on dessert which was a buffet of home-made cheesecakes and finished off the day shopping at Walmart with my mother, aunt and brother-in-law!  I could've lived without the shopping experience, but the rest of the day was SPLENDID!

In an attempt to counter act the effects of all the cheesecake I have consumed in the past week, I have been eating fresh kale salad, green beans and sweet potatoes in record amounts.

Say cheese. No wait say "kale salad!"

And that my friends is how Rita came to live in our home and how I have been living the past ten days!  I will leave you now with this thought:  My favorite exercise (other than running) is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it LUNCH!  Eat on my friends, Eat on!

Vern Out

Happy Belated Trick or Treat yo!

At long last the rest of the Harried Halloween Fiasco...

Background Information:  It was supposed to be my perfect rescheduled date day. It was supposed to be all fun and games.  It was supposed to be dreamy and flirty and happy and all kinds of FUN.

Clarification:  Now to clarify it was a rescheduled date day with my husband and I. So stop it with the gossip spreading, I don't have a boyfriend (although I am still optimistic that I will get a hot Latino pool boy someday; first, however,  I suppose I should probably get a pool!!)

The Mission:  So anyhow on Halloween I had actually convinced my husband to go thrift shopping, out to lunch and then come along with me to the kid's school parties dressed up in costumes. I was McDonald's french fries again and this time he was to be my Big Mac.  My husband doesn't really do school holiday parties. EVER so this mission was a big deal.  It would be his first exposure to the world of SCHOOL HOLIDAY PARTIES!!It would most certainly be EPIC!

My Expectations:  It was all supposed to be magical, and fun, and high energy and absolutely PERFECT. You know, one of those memories we would all recall fondly for years to come; It was our defining moments as a family.  It wasn't.  Or maybe it was, but it was defining us differently than I had imagined: as an unorganized, emotional, rude, impulsive and ultimately at the day's end, resilient family.  I mean, I eventually ended up at the epic Hobbit party, dressed as Wendy and if that doesn't scream resilient I don't know what does!

How I imagined us all looking!

How we actually looked...
only remember I was also wearing a french fry costume.

Thrift Shopping and Fun:  We did successfully thrift shop for a couple hours.  We even managed to get lunch and we used up a coupon that had been stashed in my purse for well over a year. I don't know about you, but I sure do get a little adrenaline rush every time I use a coupon.  I love COUPONS!  And this one was for $10 off our meal!  $10 People not just a few pennies!!!  I got a serious RUSH using that one up!  We even had a swell time doing all of this stuff.  So things started off magical. The atmosphere was positively festive and fun!  This fantastic start to the day only fueled my expectations and the let down when things came unraveled.

The Party:  According to the letter I had read regarding the kid's party, we were supposed to be there at two. Mind you my husband never reads a single paper that has come home with our children so all paper-related responsibilities are mine.  So he had no idea what was going on and was merely following my lead.  Think blind leading the blind (poorly) and you get a feel for the situation. I was supposedly in charge of this gig and we were actually ahead of schedule when we left the restaurant and things were going well. I should have known then that things were going to crash and burn, but I was naive.  I was giddy.  So when my husband decided to take a detour and stop at our home because he had to use the bathroom, I wasn't too concerned.  When we arrived exactly when I thought we were supposed to arrive, the streets were lined with cars and the parking lot was packed full so my husband dropped me at the door because he is always so chivalrous and thoughtful like that (not, but this time he was).  As I entered the school, I was somewhat shocked at the number of kids in costume lining the hallways.  The further into the school I went, the more concerned I became that perhaps we were not arriving at the proper time.  Once I finally made it to Hazel's room, it was apparent (because the parade was starting) that we were in fact LATE. WTF!? I felt a million emotions all at once and...

The Fallout: I immediately slipped into psycho, emotional, not-with-it, mommy mode for about 30 seconds.  Took a deep breath and then I quickly helped Hazel into her costume.  Another mom who sensed my situation was dire, offered help so I sent the other two costumes with her in hopes they would find their way to our other two kids.  About this time Jeff showed up from parking the car and was probably in shock because he isn't great in crowds (especially of people he doesn't know and most of them are out-of-control children) and so he ignorantly asked "how are things going" and I completely lost it. Crying like a baby, lost it.  How could I have screwed up the Halloween Parade?  At that precise moment my husband decided to become unsympathetic and he said something along the lines of I can't believe you are crying right now and stormed off.  I cried on.  I felt like a failure as a mother and as a person in general.  I was so mad at myself because I have a long history of screwing things up as a mom (forgotten show-n-tells, lack of snow boots for the first snowy day and many other such situations) this time I had wanted to get it right.  And then I didn't.


Happily Ever After: And after all of that I did pull myself together and had an enjoyable time playing the game we had brought and handing prizes out to all the winners!  Jeff was the DJ and I was the super cool mom strutting around with the kiddos playing the super cool cake walk game I made a few years back when we were living for the year without television Year of no TV. And then I went and...

          This day I got it right!!!!  

Hazel turned 5 in mid-November and I crafted Tom the Turkey (above photo).  And that day all the kids and teachers and secretaries and custodians and other paraprofessional employees at the school thought it was AWESOME!  And for a brief moment, I felt like the mom who had it all together.

Vern Out