Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Lovely Rita


 Guess who arrived yesterday!?!  

Introducing our new vacuum, Rita Hoover Constantine.

Yes she is a ginger.  And yes she is a bit of a flake and a little too girly for my taste, but I love her ability to remove dog hair from our furniture!  Her hair removal talents have already had a positive impact on my husband's mood and our marriage. And that my friends is priceless!  So after just two days Rita already holds a special place in my heart.

You may be wondering what happened to Victor!?  You probably think I just threw him out in the trash or something. You probably think I am cold-hearted like that. Or if you know me at all, then you know I am a sensitive chick and I cry a lot and I would never throw a functioning vacuum out in the trash (even if it is special needs and doesn't work very well).  I would take it to Goodwill or Love Inc!  Well you'll be happy to know that Victor will continue to live in our home and be properly cared for and loved, but he will no longer carry the burden of trying to clean our nasty floors on a daily basis.  Yes, Victor is in semi-retirement.  He is taking golf lessons and brushing up his tennis game.  He'd like to travel and play cards as well.

On a somewhat related note, I now understand why my sister is addicted to Amazon.  I mean it is just so convenient and even technologically challenged people like myself can easily maneuver on Amazon. And the prices are so darn competitive.  So yes, Rita was a mail order vacuum (kinda like a mail order bride, but without the expectation of sex and the promise of a green card), but please don't judge her or me.  She had to get out of that vacuum factory. It was a real sweat shop and she was being treated very poorly; Even a life of servitude here in our hairy home will be a major improvement for her. And we all know I need all the help I can get managing my housewife duties. Rita arrived three days after we ordered her too! That is FAST!  And I wasn't kidding about my sister, she truly is a complete and total Amazon addict.  It was my listening to her describe her many Amazon shopping experiences that inspired me to try it out!  My sister is even a member of the amazon TP club!  She actually receives an automatic case of toilet paper on a regular basis (based on her family's specific demographics) without so much as a click of a button.  It sounds amazing so I may check it out!

Now speaking of buttons, Staples tag line, "that was easy" with the magic red button is a complete farse. It really is and it ticks me off!  For months now I have battled back and forth with Staples.  Their processes are not EASY in my opinion.  Today I finally had it with Staples and so I finally drove my butt to the local print company Verduin Printing in Grand Haven and well what I learned is that I should have taken that drive a long time ago because the employees at Verduin are nicer, the printing costs less and they have a real knack for problem-solving.  Staples made the process of trying to print double sided business cards in less than 72-hours seem impossible and their employees were not friendly nor helpful.  Verduin, on the other hand, was the best customer service experiences I have had in a very long time.  It truly was refreshing!

Switching topics suddenly and without warning, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays primarily because I LOVE to eat and secondarily because I LOVE to be social.  It is a holiday created just for people like me!  I will share a Cliff's Notes version of my Turkey Day experience to explain why this random salad picture is placed here.  So I drank some beer Wednesday night which led me to make a last minute change to my original plans. This change ultimately led to my winning the small race (as the winner I will be required to dress as Sacagawea next year when I run the race FUN).  Then I ate a TON of food.  Yes I ate my way through Thanksgiving focusing most of my caloric intake on dessert which was a buffet of home-made cheesecakes and finished off the day shopping at Walmart with my mother, aunt and brother-in-law!  I could've lived without the shopping experience, but the rest of the day was SPLENDID!

In an attempt to counter act the effects of all the cheesecake I have consumed in the past week, I have been eating fresh kale salad, green beans and sweet potatoes in record amounts.

Say cheese. No wait say "kale salad!"

And that my friends is how Rita came to live in our home and how I have been living the past ten days!  I will leave you now with this thought:  My favorite exercise (other than running) is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it LUNCH!  Eat on my friends, Eat on!

Vern Out

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