Friday, November 13, 2015

Wonderful Wanda

So here's the thing about life.  It can totally sneak up on you if you're not careful.  You can get really busy with all kinds of good things, really good things and before you know it you are married with a slew of kids and a bunch of animals and they all rely on you every single day. To care for them. To provide for them. To clean them up when they get dirty.  And to fix them, when they get broken.  It is exhausting just thinking about it.  Life. Sneaky, Sneaky Life.

Anyhow, these hubbies, animals and children also need you to provide clean clothing and so enters Wanda the Washing Machine. Now Wanda has been an okay performer for the past three years. She is average. Just average. Since we moved into our new house on New Years Day 2012, I would say conservatively she has on average washed 2 loads of laundry daily. And our laundry isn't subdivision laundry either where it is worn, but not really dirty.  Our loads are country folk laundry and it is down right disgusting most days. So life has not been easy for Wanda. I can admit that.   It has been a constant struggle barely keeping her head above the constantly rising sudsy, dirty, laundry water.  Yes Life totally snuck up on her and now here she is all washed up and DEAD three years later.  Yes Wanda died.  She's dead. Gone.  Forever. And only three years old.  She is off to the appliance cemetery that is a landfill or metal recycling plant I am uncertain which one.  It matters not, she is gone and we await a new washer.

On the positive side, at least I get to name a new appliance!  But still I am mostly pissed because since when do washing machines last only three frickin' years!?  And Samsung kindly explained that they are only manufactured to last between 3-5 years nowdays which is why their warranty only last a year! What!?  Where are us humans going to live when all these old appliances take over all the space and available land?  It will be a real appliance revolution and I predict in about twenty years we may all have to take up residence in a dump, or home made of recycled appliances...

Wanda's Portrait January 1, 2012.

I can't share a post mortem photo because I will not allow the years of abuse to be broadcast to the entire free world.  That would be disrespectful and preposterous for Wanda.  Plus our laundry room is a filthy mess which for different reasons would be equally embarrassing to share.

I will leave you with this short eulogy.

Wonderful Wanda 

Not a day shall pass
That we shan't miss your ass

Already we've had to drag laundry across fields
(to grandmas) in order to have clean clothes yields

Everyday you washed our clothes real well
Even though they looked as though they'd been through hell

Until we meet again
Up in appliance heaven

We hope that you'll find peace
And finally be free of poop from the geese

We would've fixed you
but it was too expensive to do

RIP Wanda 2012-1015 Three years of faithful service.

PS Samsung is the worst Appliance Company I have ever dealt with so please FOR THE LOVE of GOD and ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE IN THIS WORLD do not buy a washing machine (or any other appliance) from that company.

That is all.

Vern Out

1 comment:

  1. RIP Wanda. Guess they don't make em like they used to. Too bad. Loved this story, Vern. You crack me up.