Yesteryear

Had to lighten things up a bit after yesterday's post!  So here you go a light and fun read to start your Wacky Wednesday!

When we were kids, I made my younger brother and sister Licenses to Be Like Vern-They were so Freakin Cool--fashioned after the Pepsi License to Chill Cards: historical information for those youngsters out there...License to Chills went viral before viral meant anything other than some type of unfortunate infection. They were pretty popular back in the day and basically were given to Pepsi drinkers as some ploy to build brand loyalty.  I have no idea how successful the campaign was and to be completely honest, I always preferred Coke. However, back in the olden days these Licenses to Chill were pretty COOL.

 Sample License To Chill

Truth, or dare

This is long past due; I have been working on it since shortly after I returned from Haiti.  I have been like an artist, working slowly to get it just right.  Well it is not perfect and never will be, but it is honest, raw and hopefully somewhat encapsulates my thoughts about life post Haiti. Enjoy!

The exorcist

Our Ice Maker, Ivy, is possessed.  I wish I was kidding, but the evidence is just too strong to ignore the symptoms any longer.  There are unexplainable noises.  And unexplainable messes.  Oh the horror.  I actually wonder if there is someone being held against their will inside Ivy, but that seems unlikely, but still the sounds lead me to believe it is true!

We have an exorcism planned later this week.  There are priests involved.  There are hymns rehearsed.  That is all.

A message in a bottle, from Ivy herself!

PS Stay safe my friends. This is a dangerous, dangerous world we live in and now we have to worry about our appliances breathing violence into it as well.



Vern Out

Waffle Pizza...What!??

Wondering what to make for dinner?  Thinking of ordering a pizza or serving the family breakfast for supper?  

Forget About Throw Back Thursday

THIS IS FRESH and it's...

ALL ABOUT GRANDMAS!!!!

What is your favorite day of the week?  I bet most of you probably answered Saturday or Sunday with maybe a few Fridays mixed in for fun.  Not me, or my family, our favorite day is Thursday because it is Grandma Day*.   This post is dedicated in honor of Grandmas all over this globe. Grandmas are certainly one of the most important individuals in the whole entire world!  FOR REALS.  Grandmas really do know best!

*Grandma Day was founded by my mother-in-law, Karla when her first grand baby (Haleigh Jane) was born. On that day, she declared Thursday to be Grandma Day.  I think this is so cool she dedicates an entire day of the week just to spend time with her grandkids.  Over the years it has evolved.  At first she was snuggling babies and changing diapers, then she had to keep them safe through the toddler years and introduce them to play doh and now she is picking kids up from school or practice and overseeing homework.  One constant remains: Grandma Day is sacred in our family.  If Karla is in the state of Michigan, on a Thursday, she can be found happily playing among her tribe of Grand kids.  

First of all, I wanted to share this from one of my most favorite writers, Jenny Lawson.  Jenny fringes on the edge of unacceptable dark and somewhat offensive humor, but still I love her for who she is:  Someone brave enough to talk about her very personal mental health struggles, openly, honestly and without apologizing.  She really should be the spokesperson for Mental Health Alliance, she is that good (and funny).  And while she isn't religious by the typical standards of modern organized religion, I still think she is in her own way because she helps other people overcome adversity. She lifts up those less fortunate, gives voice to vulnerable, often ignored, forgotten or devalued people who struggle with mental health issues and the best part is, she is sincere, honest and oh so funny while she does this.  If you want to check out her writing, unlike me, she is famous and her blog is The Blogess Jenny also has a super cool Grandma who offers solid advice like this...

So don't be shitty about some stupid bullshit! 

I feel badly that some people never get to experience Grandma time. It makes me extremely sad. It is a true travesty. Or tragedy. Or both.  It just plain stinks.  As for my kids, they won the Grandma lottery! BIG TIME... TWICE. They are extremely blessed with not only one, but two, wonderful grandmas and a bunch of amazing great grandmas to boot!  

Our kids have Grandma Karla who is willing to take them anywhere, do anything with them and knows everything there is to know about fashion and travel.   She is also organized, detail-oriented and no nonsense about all things always.   Time with her is efficient, structured and yet fun because she insists everyone has a good time.  They are learning about fashion, planning and other important organizational skills from her. Skills I would NEVER be able to teach them because I don't have any of those particular skills.  Karla

And they have Grandma Neva (Grandma Smith as she prefers to be called) who is eternally patient, knows a lot about childhood development, is hard working, down-to-earth and exposes them to all things natural: farming, canning, gardening and other various outdoor activities to name just a few.  She likes to teach them about responsibility, making good decisions and being generally decent human beings; and the best part is she does so in a sneaky way; the kids don't even realize they are in manners school. It really is amazing. She teaches them that sometimes staying home for the day can be every bit as fun as going to the amusement park, if you just use your imagination, keep a positive attitude and for the love of God be nice to each other!  Grandma Smith

See what I mean?! They totally won the Grandma lottery!  TWICE.

Yes, I think grandmothers are extremely special people. They give kids extra love, hope, confidence and one-on-one attention that parents are often unable to provide (or even if parents are providing it Grandmas do it better).  And they are such important members of our family.  I hate to even consider a world where our kids didn't have the grandmas they have; because they would be lonelier, the world would be scarier and I would certainly be a whole lot crazier.  

     

And let's be honest when Grandma is involved this is how it tends to go.  Grandma is after all the Supreme Court of the modern day family unit.

Many days I feel like this...

And in those moments, I am so very thankful for Grandmas (and my mom) and Grandpas (and the rest of our damn extended family) because people it really does take a village to raise these kids! And while Thursdays are all about Grandma Karla, my mom serves in more of an ongoing support roll.  She bravely stands by, always on-call, awaiting emergencies like this...

Happy Grandma Day and God Bless!!!

  Vern Out

Strange but true occurences

Strange things seem to be the norm for me.  Yes, strange things happen. All. The. Time.  I am often left saying, both in my head and sometimes right out loud, "what the heck is going on?!" or... "How is this even possible?!" or... "WTF?!"  You get the idea.  I am often baffled and confused at the extremely strange happenings in my world!

Here are a few cases that illustrate this concept:

Frisbee Overload
This very morning, I was carrying an overflowing FRISBEE full of leftover food scraps-in various stages of decomposition- to our little flock of chickens in their cute little red chicken hut all while in a dress and mud boots. Oh and best of all, this happened as the bus pulled up to fetch our kids for a day of school.  Our bus driver must really think I am crazy!

Stalked by Chickens
Another day earlier this summer our dwindling flock of chickens STALKED me down the road while I was dressed in my nicest business suit prepared for an important work meeting! You see, I decided to walk to the corner to hop in with my boss for the occasion. I figured exercise is never a bad thing. NEVER. And it would save us a couple of minutes and my boss a mile's worth of gasoline.  So all dressed up in full corporate attire, I hit the road and our chickens all followed right along behind me.   If only I had video of this occasion, I probably would've won AFV and I would be packing my bags for Disney right now!  At least the bus driver did not drive by that morning!  I suspect I felt a bit like this poor kid!  Hunted by chickens!Yikes

Tay Tay has been abducted!
This one isn't so much strange as it is MADDENING.  My Taylor Swift CD is missing. It's gone. And I am pissed. It is the one that I had been using as motivation for keeping the house cleaned.  I won't stand for such obvious acts of defiance and housecleaning destruction.  This is clearly a case of sabotage regarding my new cleaning system. I no sooner publicly declare the new Taylor Swift housecleaning technique somewhat successful and now someone is trying to keep me from cleaning our house.  It's preposterous, enraging, and down-right-mean and worst of all right before the holidays.  Heartless thief.  I won't stop until I get to the bottom of this.  Fire up the Mystery van, Scooby, we have a big mystery to solve!

Cooking ordeal:
Oh and equally maddening as my missing Taylor music, I burned the quinoa.... Again... 

The pan may not fully recover from this incident which really makes me sad because this is my favorite sauce pan, Shirley.  Shirley has been with us since we got hitched so she has sentimental value and is a pretty green color that I so love.  Oh and most importantly she cooks quinoa like none other, unless I go to hang a load of laundry on the line and my children fail to notify me that the timer is beeping and I burn the quinoa beyond recognition.  Then Shirley doesn't work out so great for me, or for her I suppose.  After all having quinoa scorched and stuck to your sides probably doesn't feel very good.  She is in the burn unit, if you'd like to send her a Get Well card I will pass it along next time I go for a visit.  Usually Shirley makes light, fluffy delicious, darn-near-perfect quinoa, I guess it goes to show that you should not leave your children in charge of cooking quinoa!?*;

I guess I can best sum this story up by saying, "Weirdness follows me like our flock of chickens!"

Vern Out

Feeling Irma Bombeckish

Yes Bombeckish is a word because I made it up and because I am one of Irma's biggest fans!  I do feel a certain presence of hers lately what with my ever growing lost sock bin and my use of multiple crock pots I am basically the modern day Irma this week.  Anyhow... 

Before 8am yesterday I had already:

• successfully sewn two knees on some of my son's pants
• glued a barbie head back on to Hazel's favorite doll (thus saving her world)
• fed my kids waffles for breakfast (and not eggos, but real ones that start with flour and eggs)
• packed three semi-nutritional lunches for my trio
• signed all school forms required for the day
• safely delivered three kids to the bus stop
• hung a load of laundry on the line

Yes I feel like I may reach domestic domination someday yet...

However, I still have:

• a son who went to school in pants that have a ripped knee and paint stains on them 
• a house that is messy 
• a level of disorder within that messy house that is quite appalling
• a mudroom that "smells funny" according to my hubby
• leftover, leftover, soup with outdated dinner rolls to feed the fam

On a more humorous note (although I actually never go on Pinterest) ain't nobody got time for that:

and to be honest most days I don't even shower...I call it a water conservation initiative and/or training for Haiti, but I might possibly have personal hygiene issues.

PS my older sister would call the dinner rolls "aged" to make them sound fancy and better, but the reality is they are outdated by two days.

Praise be to God.  We are alive and healthy.

That is all
Vern out