Good Laughternoon!

A few days late (for my self imposed Mother's Day Deadline), but in  my defense, I was busy cleaning up all the messes from our fabulous Mother's Day Festivities!  

They say a picture tells a thousand words!

 That may be true, but my added commentary is kinda funny (at least to me) so I will go ahead and fill in a few details from the special day.  Yes officer that is a Bacon, Asparagus, mushroom and swiss cheese omelet that my husband himself created for me. And, No, I do not have a permit for this thing so go ahead and arrest me!

 Honestly it would not be a party without a helium balloon!  Well played kids!!  Well played.

 Yes, these are rotten Easter eggs that I discovered in our fridge, on Mother's Day.  Happy Mother's Day to ME!!  I am one lucky gal!  Much like the jelly of the month club, "that there is the gift that just keeps giving!" ~Cousin Eddy Christmas Vacation

That is all,

OOPS I forgot one important detail: I spared you a photo of the vomit my son spewed all over his room (on Mother's Day).  Had I taken a picture of that, I would've added like 10,000 additional words based on the sheer volume and surface area covered by the vomit.  Oh and it would've been super gross because he had eaten his weight in blackberries, burritos and chips. And blackberry, burrito and chip vomit is the absolute worst.  

PS The rotten eggs actually made me laugh a lot because they made me think of the rotten egg scene in Charlotte's Web which is very, very, very funny to me. 

PPS Another funny (yet unrelated) thing happened last night.  My husband was looking for a head lamp in order to search for our lost rabbit (long unrelated story) and I knew exactly where mine was.  As I handed it to him, I quickly pointed out that I was so glad to be so unbelievably organized which made both my husband and I erupt into hysterical laughter for the next half hour.  Laughter is medicine people and I for one felt a lot better about life after that little episode and while he would never admit it I bet Jeff did too!

Vern Out

Game Time

Generally speaking I don't like video games.  No that's not quite right.  Generally speaking, I HATE video games. Despise them.

Can't. 
Stand. 
Video games.  

Cookies on the other hand.   Now, there's something I LOVE.  Cookies are good. Video Games Bad; Cookies Good!

Video Games just seem like such a complete waste of time and a serious distraction from getting other, more important, things done.   And you all know I am a doer of lots of good stuff!  I worry about the impact that video games are having on our children too.  You've not seen a fit as ugly as the one that is thrown when my 6-year old son has to turn off the wii or his kindle.  It isn't pretty.  It is like some switch is instantly flipped and my once lovable, huggable, cute, little, curly haired, boy becomes an angry, hostile and down right awful human being.  It breaks my heart and fuels my hatred for electronic devices. That said, I am starting to accept that it is possible there may be some slight benefits to video games.  Some.  It is a long shot, but there may be a few. However I mostly still hate them and technology in general and maybe I am smarter than I sound.  Einstein shared my concerns.

Unfortunately, Einstein, I think we are living this reality and it just keeps getting worse.

 I can't believe Einstein felt this way midway through the 20th Century.  He really was a genius and look how much more humanity has been lost to technology since then.  I am getting depressed.  Hold on, I need to call my therapist.

Okay I am back. I have an appointment this Friday!

Now First of all, a little back story is probably warranted.  I lived without TV for a year because I really despise most things electronic and I am kinda crazy like that and always up to a challenge. NOTV2011 will take you to all of our fun tv-free adventures.  It was AWESOME!  An incredible year.  I can honestly say that I enjoyed that year greatly and I miss it today, tomorrow and quite possibly forever.  We now watch more television than is probably healthy and to make matters worse we joined the world of devices when the kids got kindles for Christmas. While I must admit they were very helpful during our drive to Florida, I am totally annoyed with them now.  Totally annoyed.  The kindles were absolutely priceless during the 22 hour car ride home (we drove straight through people with 7 people in a minivan).  Without the kindles someone might have died.  Probably me, of an unfortunate suicide.  Or I might've snapped and killed Jeff.  Or he might've offed me.  Or you know what? One of the kids would have killed another one of the kids fighting.  If not for the kindles, we would likely only have two kids.  You get the idea. Someone would be dead.  So in that setting they were a valuable entertainment tool and a necessary safety precaution, but today they are a total pain in my a**.

This recent revelation (that there may be benefits to video games) has been simmering inside my mind for some time now.  At work we are busy preparing awareness materials to present to corporations about our services.  Viewing various Ted Talks with the purpose of gleaning tips for our presentation was a recent assignment of mine.  So I have watched several Ted Talks in the past six months.  Searching for unique ways to make presentations more interesting and less lecture like, what I have learned is this:  There are a lot of Ted Talks. A lot!  Some are good.  Some are bad. Some are down right bizarre.  And then some are really, extremely, thought provoking. Mind blowing really.  Some are the kind of talk you just keep thinking about for months.  My two favorites so far were the one by a neurologist about her experience having a stroke and recovering from it and the one that is actually related to this story entitled, "The Game That Can Give You 10 Extra Years of Life".   When I read the title I figured it was overly dramatic and sensationalized.  I soon learned that video games actually saved Jane Mc Gonigal's life.  It was a compelling argument in support of video games and it made me think, "Maybe".  Maybe video games are not the worst thing ever.  And then a few weeks after watching that Ted Talk, I found myself playing bowling on the wii with the family and I thought to myself this is FUN and we are being somewhat ACTIVE on a cold and sleeting day.  And darn it my son is so frickin' cute when he bowls and then dances around joyfully awaiting the result of his efforts.  You should see his dance moves when he gets a strike!  That dance is the BEST!  It was a rare POSITIVE gaming experience for me.

Forget about cures for diseases... let's just create a new video game. You know a game that will help our kids learn to kill things and become desensitized to death and violence.~Vern

Then the other day the kids came home from school with a newspaper article about how video games are good for you. It kind of pissed me off, because it was in a publication that the school provided them and it was not research based and it was very one sided.  They were convinced I would read it and instantly decide that all video games were great and they could play them non-stop without any restrictions whatsoever for the rest of their lives. WRONG.   I am nothing if not the video game Nazi.  I may actually be a distant relative to Hitler, the way I police the kindles and wii.  Yes, I am at war with video games and electronics in general.  And while I am probably fighting a losing battled, I will continue to battle on.  I am not a quitter.


I'd like to see the research that supports this quote from Reagan.  However, somewhat related, my dentist and I were discussing this very topic the last time I was in his office and he informed me that his son was a lot like mine in that he was addicted to video games and had behavioral issues surrounding video games; His son is now an adult and he turned out okay. He is indeed an actual pilot who claims the video games prepared him well for the rigors of flight school.  Who knows, maybe I will get a pilot out of all this.

Anyhow, I don't have this all figured out yet, but I am committed to fighting technology as long as possible.  I believe deeply that the most important lessons in life are learned by interacting with living creatures and our environment. While I fully admit there are some practical applications for electronic devices, I am not convinced that our young children need a lot of screen time.  They need to get outside, they need to interact with other living creatures and most importantly they need to learn how to look in someone's eyes and talk to them about difficult stuff in a compassionate and appropriate way.

PS I think that running is a much healthier habit and has many more benefits to offer mankind.  I pray each and every day that at least one of my children will become a runner and we will have a shared love for that activity. Running is so much better than any video game (even Minecraft).

PPS I didnt know how to spell Minecraft so I had to google it and Minecraft actually popped up after just the first three letters were entered into my search.  This was very, very disturbing to me.  I called my therapist back and plan to go there today if anyone cancels.

PPPS Kara went to run club with me for the Boston Marathon Party and we had a ball so I feel like I may get her involved with running if her asthma doesn't become too problematic.

PPPPS  I hate that Kara has inherited Jeff's asthma gene. I wish she had lungs like her momma.

Vern out

Natural woman

For better or worse, I am a natural woman.  I don't really do make-up, or hair spray, or most of the other standard womanly rituals.  I know very little about modern fashion trends and what I do know I learned from my 8-year old. Unlike me, she has a real knack for fashion! So I am a very basic and natural woman.  As such, I can be ready to go just about anywhere in a matter of a few minutes.  Now sure I might forget a few things (like a coat in November), but I am also resourceful so I will manage without whatever I forget and mostly without complaining!  This little story is dedicated to Mother Nature.  She has taught me much in life and for this I am eternally thankful...

Spring really has sprung and I for one have a serious case of SPRING FEVER!  Well, I along with our kids, Stan (the dog), Gus (the cat), Velvet (the rabbit) and our lovely flock of chickens; we all seem to have some serious spring fever happening! Forget about the Flu, it is spring fever you have to avoid!   We are completely out of control!  Bed times are shot. The house is a wreck. The van is a disaster area.  And we just can't seem to get enough of what mother nature has to dish up!  The fresh, warm air and the sunshine beckon us away from our responsibilities and call us out to play in the mud, woodlands and dirt.  Even when it rains like today, we are called out to play!  So our homework is not up to par, our chores are behind schedule and it's all because our attention is directed elsewhere. OUTSIDE! Today nature offers some advice tidbits of advice to you and I.

I am working on a real story about this; but basically it boils down to this:

I do not like technology. I do not like it Sam I am! I do not like it in a house, nor with a mouse, not in a box, not with a fox. Not on a train, not in the rain.  I do not like technology....I do not like it Sam I am...Can you tell my 5-year old is on a Green Eggs and Ham kick these days!?

Yes my opinion is EXTREME and I do see some value to technology, but it has gotten out of control.  Especially with our kids. I don't think that kids need so much of it; kids need to get outside. Kids need to get outside and play and get dirty and make messes and explore and get lost (well lost in the fun and adventurous way, not in the scary truly can't find your way home way).  Kids need to learn to interact with nature and with other kids in a healthy way not while "connected" on computers...

Our Mud Community.  My kids and I built this while dad was working.  There was a Mud Island and a Plant Peninsula and imaginations were running wild right along with all the kids.  It was glorious; despite the amount of laundry that was produced, it was really, truly, glorious! And I hung the clothes on our clothesline so the impact on nature was minimized!!

Patience is a Virtue!

So I love this picture and quote, but I oftentimes find myself in a hurry and busy and whenever I am in a hurry and busy I naturally become a less nice person, honestly a kind of ugly person and my stress level rises and it isn't pretty in the least...I must work on this.  I am a work in progress in the realm of patience while Mother Nature has is all figured out.  

PS This was supposed to post last week when it was actually spring like outdoors, but I was too busy and now it is posting during our return to winter like temperatures and rain. SIGH.

Happy Spring Ya'll!

Vern Out

Chester Lives

So Chester  (for those of you who are new to my blog Chester is our Chest freezer and I have been working tirelessly to empty him for about a year and a half now) survived his first real bout with indigestion and abdominal cramping; You know, the one brought on by all the Little Ceasars Pizza kits we fed him about a week ago.  It was kind of a big deal because for so long we have been committed to emptying Chester and using up the random items he holds.  For so long he has been lean and hungry.  Every time he decided to dig deeper and look inside himself he felt like this guy...

Well Chester survived that horrible pizza incident only to endure another unexpected and hefty deposit.  At least this time it was in the form of 11 healthy freezer meals!  Eleven!  It was a beautiful thing. A very beautiful thing. My kids may never be forced to eat leftover frozen pizza for dinner again!  This deposit was made possible by viewers like you!  (Just kidding I have been watching PBS the past few mornings and that is just such a catchy phrase they coined.)  It was made possible thanks to Wildtree Products, a new in home direct sales company committed to helping busy moms create family friendly healthy meals for your freezer. Oh and it was also brought to you  thanks to the work ethic of yours truly and a good friend of mine.

Now I do agree with this blog post I found from some other slightly crazy, off track, mom so read it if you want more details about the in home party aspect offtrack mom.  She makes some valid points. I certainly would not want to drag a cooler full of meat around my neighborhood!

Thankfully, I was able to do the workshop with a friend in the comfort (and disorder) of my own home because she is a fairly new Wildtree Consultant and wanted some practice!  So long story short (for a change), we made the meals in roughly two hours with minimal pain and suffering.  Now Chester is stuffed full of a variety of delicious freezer meals and some residual Little Ceasar's Pizza kits.  These kits are like the unexpected family members who visit unannounced and overstay their welcome (think Cousin Eddy from Christmas Vacation)!

But the freezer meals are amazing and nothing like cousin Eddy.  They can stay as long as possible!  Check it out!

 These are the actual Wildtree products.
The line-up for the Everyday Meals Menu!

Meals awaiting deposit. 

 This is what the girls did while we prepared freezer meals.

Easter Dress Archery is up and coming!

We have absolutely no idea where the boys went, or what they were doing during this time period, so we have no photos of them nor other proof that they were even on site.  However, I should note that they are still alive and well and based on some of the messes I have found the past couple days I think it is safe to say they were "messing" around.

Any questions!?

PS We ate one of the two pork tenderloins that night and it was very good.  Moist, flavorful and tender so I am optimistic that this is going to work out to the benefit of all those involved.  I have not taste tested any other meals so stay tuned for an update next week!

PPS No appliances (or children) were harmed during the making of the freezer meals!

Vern Out

Happy Good (and Funny) Friday!

I like to laugh.  As my Mother Resume showed you a few days ago (see post entitle The Mother Resume for details) I definitely have a sense of humor about life; I don't take things too seriously.  Here are a few funny things I have bumped into lately.  I hope they make you giggle like a 4-year old on a sugar high after consuming too much cotton candy at the carnival.  Not that I am condoning the consumption of cotton candy, that stuff is poison...I just want you to get a good laugh out of this post like I did!

  Hahahahahahahahahahah

 I can almost see the sweat shop calories working on my pants right now!

Funny Hahahaha  funny; FuNnY; FUNNY!

hehehehehehe

Shifting Gears A Bit

  

My Own Little Soap Box!

Time to get serious... No more funny stuff people.  I am trying really hard to raise my kids to realize that the numbers on a scale do not matter; It is what's inside a person that counts.  At the same time, I do want them to take care of their bodies by exercising and eating healthy so they lead long and happy lives. But it is not supposed to be so they are skinny or sexy.  I actually find it repulsive that my 8-year old has used the word sexy. How and where did she learn about that word at such a young age?  And what does that say about our culture?!  It's disturbing.  And while I say I try not to take life too seriously, I am seriously concerned about this.  

Kids nowadays are receiving messages about body image ALL THE TIME.  It's everywhere.  School. Television. Radio. Internet. Church.  There really is no safe place (at least in America) from the basic message that looks matter and being skinny or sexy is important.   Our children are bombarded by these messages telling them that skinny is healthy and that sexy is what they want to be.  It is a real challenge for us parents trying to teach healthy living. And in this ongoing battle, society is doing us no favors. NONE.

So eating healthy meals is the norm at our house.  I mostly only feed fruits and veggies for after school snacks and I model healthy eating and being active on a regular basis. (I say mostly only because once in awhile we splurge) and I think that is okay!  Moderation is key.  On occasion, we make no-bake cookies at four in the afternoon and eat a couple... before dinner.  But it is a special treat, not an every day gig. So in my mind, we're mostly healthy!  (Besides I would argue that no-bake cookies have oatmeal and peanut butter in them so they are basically a health food).

Hazel makes the point much better than I can! 

Healthy food is YUMMY!

Further evidence of this commitment to healthy eating because I am after all atop my soap box:  

My favorite meal replacement option (especially for breakfast) is Ecotrek Bars  they are so much more than your average granola bar and they are locally made by an amazing woman who works tirelessly to help transform people's lives.  These bars are not only delicious, non dairy and vegan, but they also pack 10 grams of protein and 6 servings of fruits and vegetables into each little old bar!  How is that even possible!? It is like an inexplicable magic trick! Or like the cream inside a Twinkie only a lot healthier!  I do not know how they get all that good stuff in the ecotrek bars while keeping out all the bad stuff like high fructose corn syrup and enriched flour, but I am sure glad they figured it out?  Oh and the best part, they taste absolutely delicious!

My kids are curious about the scale and they think it is fun.  I like to encourage this curiosity and I would love for our kids to get through life without ever experiencing the pain of watching the scale and feeling the low self esteem that often accompanies the numbers found on it.  That is my wish for them.  That they will live a lifetime without ever experiencing tears over a scale.  Oh and I hope they will eat their vegetables when I am not there to enforce the vegetable rule!  That would be AWESOME!  I do know that when they play house, I often overhear one of them say,  "I have to get a babysitter so I can go for a run" and that my friends is amazing and always warms my heart no matter how many times they say it.

Vern Out

Indigestion for a great cause

Tonight Chester has a serious case of indigestion.  He is miserable.  He's bloated.  He can barely zip his pants!  I am serious;Yes, Chester actually had to let out his pants...two separate times tonight to accommodate this latest deposit.  We just stuffed him full of a bunch of Little Ceasar's Fundraiser Pizza Kits for our new 4-H group!

Check it out!

Chester is stuffed and our kids are excited!

And all this discomfort was in the name of 4-H, an organization that gave me so much as a child.  

THE 4-HS

Head, Heart, Hands, and Health are the four Hs in 4-H, and they are the four values members work on through fun and engaging programs.

• Head - Managing, Thinking
• Heart - Relating, Caring
• Hands - Giving, Working
• Health - Being, Living

As a child, 4-H provided me with a strong sense of belonging, an even greater feeling of community and with personal pride in a job well done.  I learned responsibility, teamwork and work ethic standards that still serve me well today.  I not only was active in 4-H for all of my eligible years (ages 4-18), but I also served as a 4-H group leader for several years during college and now I am fortunate enough to have found a new group in need of leaders and members!  The Constantines are gone country, back to 4-H! I can't wait to see where this new adventure takes us!

PS I only hope that we don't get such terrible indigestion when we eat this stuff!

That is all.

Vern Out

The Mother Resume

I think it is probably a very good thing that there is no application process for becoming a mom. I mean, I never would have passed even the simplest screening process.  Seriously, I just seem to keep racking up failures in regards to my role as a mom.  I forget things. I yell.  I am impatient. I sometimes set a bad example.  I guess I am human and not the super mom I always wanted to be. I may have to hang up my cape and put away the spandex. SIGH

And yet my very own mother--the woman who raised four completely independent and highly functioning adults--(none of us live in her basement people!) said, "I think your kids are amazing and you are doing pretty well as a mom!"  And I value her opinion a lot because you know she raised four kids and none of us live in her basement (or anyone else's basement for that matter). SIGH.

Alas my siblings and I all have real jobs and real responsibilities and other than occasionally forgetting things and being somewhat disorganized and completely out of touch with modern fashion trends, my siblings and I seem to be doing pretty well.  I guess in the big scheme of things missed show and tells, late arrival to holiday parties and occasional yelling are not that big of a deal, BUT...

still someday I would just like to be able to remember everything going on for just that one single solitary day!  Oh And just once when it is below zero, I would like to be able to find a matching pair of gloves for each of our three kids, on the same day.  Heck, I would even take a pair of mismatched gloves for the proper hands.  Is that asking too much!?

Anyhow, I thought it would be prudent and possibly entertaining to share with you my ever growing resume of motherly qualifications (or lack thereof)... Please do not share this with CPS or any other person of authority as I really don't have time to be interrogated or arrested.  Ain't      nobody got time for that!

So here's my Mother Resume:



Veronica Constantine
7 Motherhood Villa
Blissful Living, BS 00000
867-5309  call me for a good time, (but not if you can't find your homework, snow pants, gloves or other misc. items or if you want to complain.)  I do not know where everyone's crap is and I am tired of all the whining.

Mission:  To survive these child rearing years and make it to retirement-a time when I can read, run, cook, dance, and/or go to the bathroom uninterrupted.

Not sure if it is appropriate to have a picture of Einstein on your resume, 

but whatever it's not like I am going to get hired anyways!

One thing I know for certain is that children are miracles and being a mom a HUGE blessing!

Education:
No formal training in early childhood development, education or anything remotely related to children or families or mothering or parenting.

Experience:
I am an experienced individual in the following motherly areas:

• Dealing with poop, vomit or other bodily fluids without gagging (or puking)
• Being resourceful:  I could give MacGuyver a run for his money
• Forgetting really important stuff 
• Forgetting that I forgot really important stuff 
• Being patient (until I hit my breaking point and explode in an ugly display of frustration)
• Snuggling. Any time. Anywhere.
• Reading aloud, or being read to, or reading about parenting, or reading about anything interesting
• Library visits (I have actually mastered this process so contact me for tips)

I am lousy at the following parent-related skills:
Remembering (pretty much anything)
Staying focused (pretty much on anything)
Not yelling (for more than a day or two at a time)

However on the upside I:

Am an experienced C.A.S. (certified ass wiper) extraordinaire!
Have an easy going and resourceful approach to life
Am resilient even more so than the mildew in your bathtub and yucky stuff in your toilets!
Most importantly I have a sense of humor about life...

References available upon request


So one redeeming quality about me and our kids...we roll with life.  I can take myself and three kids on an extended trip with nothing more than the clothes on our backs, a few snacks and some books and we will do okay! No one will freak out!  Sure, we will likely get lost a time or two (or seven), but  we will probably just swing thru a McDonald's drive thru for ice cream and make the best of it!  I will declare it a "Mystery Adventure" and everyone will be no worse for the wear.

AMEN!

PS Mom I am so SORRY for all that I put you through and thank you for helping me on my motherhood journey!

Vern Out